Blalien Blant Blarm

In the respect of gooder journalism and edumacatin the people I have change the name of a very naughty band for my own protection. Plus, I made it pretty obvious where I was going and what I was doing last night so posting an elusive, shady blog is pretty ridiculous.

So, last night I went to 12th & Porter to see my wonderful friends in Oh No Fiasco and Bow Echo. Both put on a great show. They were asked to play with national has beens Blalien Blant Blarm. You remember them. They had that one hit that was a shitty cover song? Yeah, that's them. I thought it was neat though that my friends were' going to get to play with them though and I know a few of them were pretty excited about it, so that's always a good thing. I didn't care so much about the headliner, but was excited to see one of my favorite bands and favorite friends that I don't get to see as often as I would like.

So, if you haven't already heard, there was a debacle. Since it would be in poor interest for any of the bands or the venue to post about it I'm going to take the hit. Tennessee law dictates that you can't drink on the sidewalk, so as the story goes.... an employee doing his due diligence supposedly politely told the singer of the headlining band that it was a no-no. Somehow this escalated into somewhat of a brawl. The employee's face was perhaps grabbed or smacked by said band's apparently intoxicated band member.... blah, blah, blah. I wasn't there, so it's all hearsay as far as I'm concerned. Whatever. Personality conflicts happen all the time between bands and bars. Especially if I'm one of them.

Here are some of the real kickers that lead to the point of me even talking about this at all.

1) I was sitting on the balcony having a cocktail with one of my friends and counted maybe 30 people actively waiting to see BBB. Maybe your band is just sad that no one cares about their cover song anymore.

2) My friends all got to play their sets, but were then told to load out before BBB played in a rather unusual and strange manner.

3) BLALIAN BLANT BLARM DIDN'T EVEN PLAY THE SHOW!!!!!!!

4) Due to a bit of accidental eaves dropping and observation it didn't appear that anyone was getting their money back. Of course, none of my people cared because we all came to see the good bands.

5) An old cop that was too chicken shit to even get out of his car showed up to tell everyone that was complaining about getting their money back to get off the sidewalk.

Most of these things are rumors. My guess is that their money is probably going to be refunded later because if the continued rumor mill is true Blalien Blant Blarm got paid to be whiny little bitches on top of it all.

Again, I don't know the true details, but it all boils down to this. I don't care if the employee was rude and hateful and condescending. I don't care if he walks up and pees on the stage in the middle of your set. I don't care if he was nice, if the bandmate was drunk or if birds were shitting on you during your performance. You play the damned show. And if you can't play the damned show you take it upon your lilly white ass to get off your bus and come out and pay the people back and thank them for coming who were there supporting your 12 year old personality. Especially if someone else paid you far more than your worth for it. I'm sorry it wasn't as many as you wanted. Quit your crying and play the show.

I'm sure fans of the band are blaming the club and fans of the club are blaming the band. The band should always be blamed for this though. It's your job to show up and play and do your piece. If you are physically or legally removed from the club then there's not much you can do about that, but if despite your lame qualities the venue hasn't asked you to leave and has fulfilled their obligation from a legal stand point (from my experience "the venue hurt my feelings" is not on a legal contract) then you get up there and you play for your fans. Your customers. The people what waaaaaaay over-paid just to see you. Not us happy go-lucky people who came and saw good, professional bands play.

OK. That's my Thursday afternoon rant ladies and gentlemen! And bluck you... all of you... who don't put your fans first.

Now Hiring Asians

Listened to Head Automatica for the first time in ages today and it was refreshing. I realized how few bands are bouncing around the stage not taking themselves so seriously. Don't get me wrong, you can be serious, but not be so serious. Running through the list of bands on my iPod I could only come up with a few current and past at a glance and I'm craving more of it. I need suggestions. I miss Weezer's blue album. I miss They Might be Giants Flood and Apollo 18. The kids albums was a funny idea..... the first time. Currently the only bands I could think of around town were Oh No No and maybe The Pink Spiders (ironically, Brandon Jazz's Armed Forces are also lyrically and visually entertaining and one of the few that fall in to this category as well). I know there have to be a few more though. Enjoy the Zoo did a decent job at it as well, but gone are the days. Ironically enough, something I never though on my life I would endorse, I was reminded of this feeling briefly during an encounter with Rad Bromance, the all-male Lady Gaga tribute band. You will not hear me endorse cover or even tribute bands very often as I am a purist when it comes to original music. That is a blog for another day though.

This is a very small list in my list of bands that I've ever seen or listened too. Don't get me wrong, there's a time and place for seriousness, but I just wanna dance with spaghetti arms sometimes and run around in circles, put my head in the air and say, "Lalalalalalalala!"

So, I'm hiring some Asians. It's time for me to front an all-Asian band. I have the name picked out and players I would like to play with, but I don't know if they'll want to play with me. If there are any Asians interested in fucking around and not taking yourself too seriously let me know. Yes. Only Asians. Why Asian you may ask? Maybe you know or maybe you don't know, but I'm not really Asian. People seem to think I'm Asian though. Mostly Asian people. White people usually don't get it. Asian people will argue me into the ground about it though. I don't have a problem with it though. Asian bitches are beautiful, so I'm in. We're going to bring the Asian back to Asian-America.

I'm tired about hearing how much in love you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend or how much you hate them. I despise off-stage dedications to "my lovely wife" and don't give two flying chucks about your political or religious views. I am busy rocking. I'm sorry you're sad and alone and sitting in a closet cutting yourself, because when you're in an all-Asian band you're never alone!

I'm not saying don't make serious bands, I just want more variety on my iPod when all I wanna do is bounce and sing silly lyrics. Help a girl out?!

Newmatic @ The National Underground - Just a few pics for you!

For all the pics from this shoot go here: www.shutterbuzzphotos.com/newmatic

New Venue Report and News About String Cheese

FIRST the super duper good news. Weight Watchers string cheese is cheaper than Kroger brand string cheese. It also tastes better and is only 50 calories and since I just can't seem to give up cheese this has changed my entire life, so I thought I should share with the rest of the cheese lovers.

Second of all I boned up and went down to see Newmatic at a new club called The National Underground. It is affiliated with The National Underground in New York that is owned by Gavin and Joey Degraw. I was expecting a large restaurant type venue similar to a BB King's, but as I walked up I could see a small patio full of people attached to what looked like a neighborhood bar, but it was across the street from Hard Rock Cafe. There was no sign and looked like they were still working on a lot of things, but it was pretty packed. Inside was super small and it was very loud. I loved it. The doors were open since it was a cool night and you could stand out there and still see and hear the bands. Did I mention it was loud? Bar prices are pretty typical for downtown, so it was expensive. If you're downtown though and don't expect to pay an extra dollar for drinks though then you need to get out more.

At first we had a little trouble getting service and the bartenders were completely confused about the prices and such, but apparently there are a few transplants from the New York bar that are used to their prices. By the end of the night service was great and the confusion had dwindled down. The manager was a bit like me. He was kind of easy to take wrong at first, but then ended up being super cool. Yup, I just called myself super cool. Take that Greenon High School Class of 1995. Shots and beers were bought for me and my friends, I partook in buying some shots and beers for me and my friends, and there was a vegetarian waitress (gods love her) carrying around a sample tray of their hot dogs. The meat was very tasty in my mouth.

Bands will complain about the stage size and the sound, but I have a feeling some of those things might work themselves out once it actually opens and is up and running for a while. The lights are deceptively decent. I wasn't even going to try to take pics at first, but was surprised when the first few shots I took were very clear and colorful. There are, I think, 3 LED cans which make taking pics pretty simple if you can get near the stage. This is Nashville though, so I almost always can (you guys and your crazy half circles 5 feet back from the stage). I will post a few pics here after I work on them for approval of said comments.

All in all my review is very favorable. This was a soft opening, so I don't know what the schedule is, but this is a place I could see myself frequenting just for shits and giggles. There is nothing else like it in Nashville and it's at a superb location for walk-in traffic. I'm a big fan and am looking forward to eating, drinking, booking (in the works), watching and listening inside of it. Let us pray to whatever gods, friends, food, nature that you worship that it sticks around for a while!

Not a lot to say, so I'm giving you something to see.....

Two of my friends' bands have put out videos in the past week or so. Check them out:

My home and native land....

Although Cincinnati is not my home, nor my native land.

This is a Venomous Valdez inspired posting. The darling red head showed up mere hours ago and I await her patiently at The Rutledge now prior to a short show where I am running the doors and then embarking on a Nashville adventure with one of my Cincinnati girls.

Prior to this we were sitting around entertaining Abby (temporary roommate and drummer for The One Through Tens) with how incredible Cincinnati is. When I say incredible I think more "unbelievable" than "awesome". It all started when Venomous spoke the words "I've only heard gun shots maybe this many times." Please don't get me wrong. This is far from the reason I left, but you will never catch anyone in Nashville saying that. You won't catch most people in any other town saying that. It makes me giggle when people talk about you not wanting to be in any part of Nashville because someone got their car broke into one time or something lame like that. Those are suburban crimes where I "come from". The actual projects here looks like a really nice neighborhood in Cincinnati. I'm not saying to not be cautious, but you should be cautious no matter where you are. This is coming from a girl who earlier in life had been robbed in every way, shape and form in every single type of neighborhood you can imagine. Not truly the point though.

I am terribly hard on Cincinnati because, well, I'm bitter. Cincinnati was once a place that got me excited about music business. It's the town that made me realize that there was something more out there than cover bands and that people really wrote their own music too. It was where I learned I could just ask people to come play shows that I liked and they'd usually come. There used to be a message board where people would go and talk and get excited about the shows and there used to be several groups that would meet and talk about ways to improve the scene and put together compilation CD's. Venues were open to new ideas and the local rags would actually talk about local events. Several festivals popped up during this time and were really awesome until they became corporate jokes. They didn't need to pay bigger named acts to try to draw attention to themselves, the event drew attention all by itself. Everything else got pushed under the bus.

Right after things stopped being cool I finally got my own venue to book and tried to incorporate as many of the old beliefs as I could think of, but I'm only one person, so I brought in more people. Everyone had lost the good old "rock is awesome" and "rock shows are cool" vibe. I started becoming convinced that even the musicians didn't like music anymore. People would make up any excuse they could think of to not play a show that a venue was actually exicted to promote them.

It is extremely hard to let go of what the scene once was and have to admit it and move because I couldn't find people even interested. Those of us who were interested (Ms. Valdez) included were pushed under the bus by the people who were left with a say so in the press and media. The people who were actually excited about making the scene thrive were told we couldn't anymore. Most just lost interest. Others are still there trying. Most are half ass trying and giving up and playing Applebee's acoustically (you know who you are) because they can't find enough people that want to know about them and what they create. The few actual venues that do actual shows are so impossible to deal with and treat the bands so poorly that I'd want to play Applebee's too. That may not be a fair statement though since there are a few venues that I've never had the "pleasure" of being in and quite a few of them. There was a time when so many venues closed that it was nearly traumatizing to the scene, but I've noticed more pop up and maybe this is something good.

Maybe you are in Cincinnati and feel differently. You're allowed to comment on my posts. I have no opinions that I'm not up for an intelligent argument on. Maybe you think everything I ever say is stupid. That would be amazing entertaining for me. I'd really like to see Cincinnati in an uproar because it would mean any of you give a shit again. I miss these days when you all did. I can never get that initial feeling I had back of the "first time" that I thought that the music scene could be a cool business to work in, but I don't miss the feeling of it's demise.

I know that no matter what now, regardless of any of this, that I am home. I've never had that feeling of being excited to go home. When I left Atlanta a week ago it was a bittersweet feeling. I've never had that before. I could never, in my entire life, wait to get out of Ohio. I do miss the times when it wasn't so bad though. I do miss buying liquor on Sundays, wine in grocery stores, Prego mini-meatball sauce, Sorrento's and a few very close friends (who just need to move closer to me).

Although none of this bullshit will seem a surprise to most of you, I really felt that it was time to explain my intense bitterness regarding this if not for you, for myself, cause that's really the number one reason I'm writing any of this in the first place.

Enjoy your rock and roll Monday night, but good luck finding one of those shows in Cincinnati. I love 5 of you. Thank you and good night.

It's only cool if you're giving it away for free....

It's also only cool that it's free if you're giving away something cool. Stop giving away crappy music. Stop giving away your music for free in general. There are instances when I find that it can be ok. Music is supposed to be the product that you sell, well, if you're in a band at least. There aren't a lot of painters walking around handing out free paintings to try to get people to come to their gallery opening or buy more of their paintings.

I'm not even saying to never hand a person a song, but for heaven's sake get something worth you're time. Email addresses for your mailing list, give away with admission, give away a package for a charity auction (it makes you appear to have a soul), find a nice promoter or company that is willing to put it on a compilation for you (it makes it look better when other people like your music too). Graphic designers didn't become graphic designers to sell music and musicians shouldn't want to become musicians to sell t-shirts. It's insulting and annoying as a consumer so I think it should be 9 times more to the person making their product.

People are making it too easy to just take your music anyway, you can add a few features such as monetary donation to make it a little bit more difficult to rob you.

Going back to the original point though.... if no one is willing to give you $5 for your album, even $3 for your album then either reconsider your friends or your music. I am so sick of getting new coasters every week in clubs. And please, don't just hand me your album and say, "this is my band, you should check it out". That gets stuck at the bottom of my purse because it's pretty much like handing me a flyer that you didn't tell me anything about. Unless you're a hot dude. Then I'm checking it out for all the wrong reasons. I guess I'm still checking it out though. Rarely does it happen that I get a burned CD of good music for free. You'd be much better off printing up download cards. At least it's not gonna get scratched in my huge purse or crack in half or thrown away as quickly. If I put it in my wallet I know that I'm more likely to hang on to it for a while. Maybe it's just me, but I think that is way more pro.

People have forgotten the art of flyering. I'm not saying don't put out flyers for the sake of putting out flyers, but it used to work because people would go out, talk up their band and THEN hand a flyer to them. Quit littering the universe and putting your crap on cars. It's not only annoying and gives a negative spin to your band, but it's wasting the money you're not making giving your CD's away. If you're going to be wasteful of flyers at least hand them out at shows your band is already playing or put them in music stores or coffee shops or even tattoo parlors. NOT ON MY CAR WINDSHIELD JERKOFF!

Thank you, this has been a public service announcement. You may go back to your regularly watched program.